6 Superb Managerial Advice Ever

1. Unnecessary Exposure:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says:

"I'll give you 800 Euros to drop that towel that you have on." After thinking for a moment, she drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

Bob's eyes popped, and after a few seconds, he hands her 800 Euros, thanked her and leaves.

Confused, but excited about her good fortune, she wraps up in her towel and goes back upstairs.

When she got back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower:

"Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor" she replies.

Great, the husband says, "Did he say anything about the 800 Euros he owes me?"

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure."

2. Knowledge is power.

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a pair of sexy leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After managing to control the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest withdrew his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again . The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologized.

'Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily, disappointed and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said:

'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

3. Listen to others before you speak.

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish....'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' And Poof! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.' Poof! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager and head. The manager says:

'I want those two back in the office after lunch right away!'

Moral of the story:

-Always let your boss have the first say.

4. Aim high.

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'

The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared from the woods, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

5. Maintaining your position.

A turkey was chatting with a bull...

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. It's full of nutrients and energy.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree, and he fell with a thud!

Moral of the story:

Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there long enough.

6. When in shit...

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to whistle, singing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:

-Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

-Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

-And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!